Making a change

For those of you who may not know me very well you may not know that I am Mormon. My family and I joined The Church of Latter Day Saints when I had turned 8. Before my family and I were about to get sealed in the temple it's been said that Satan will do his best to keep you from joining the church and do what is right. Well from the experience that my parents and both my sister and I had that is very true. My parents never knew but my sister and I experienced something very similar to there's the same night. A while later my parents had brought it up. (It's said that Satan can appear in many forms). My parents both witnessed a black mist covering their bedroom ceiling while praying. Since my dad had the priesthood now he was able to command it to go away. My sister and I had a room down the hall from my parents. We had bunk beds and we layed with out heads next to the door. We were up late talking since we couldn't sleep, and the next thing I rememeber was seeing a black shadowy figure walking towards our room from near our parents room. My sister and I were horrified covering our eyes with our blankets. We never spoke of it again until the day my parents brought up what happened to them and then all of a sudden both my sister and I broke out in tears and our parents realized we witnessed the same thing. Satan was trying to scare our family away from being in the church. To this day I still get goosebumps thinking of that night. 

Before we joined the church my family had struggled a lot. For those of you who know how much I don't like eating potatoes it's because we ate them for the longest time every way possible lol. Once we joined the church though things slowing started to become better in our lives. I honestly can say that my family wouldn't be where we are today without having the church in our lives. I won't lie growing up in the church came with a lot of rules and as a teenager in high school it wasn't the easiest thing. My parents made the decision that once I became 18 I could make my own choices and it would be up to me if I went to church. Being 18 I decided to live it up and have fun with the rest of my friends. I know I strayed off the road of the straight and narrow and doing what is right and worthy for a while but in my heart I still always believed that the church was true. After my sister Amanda died July 11, 2012 it pretty much destroyed me inside. I would ask God how he could take her away from me. I wished it had been me. I lived my life, she was only 16. Mandy was one of the best people I knew. She was beautiful, caring, loving, and so fun to be around. She was my other half. After losing her I became broken and felt empty inside. I decided I needed to become more religious again and have the gospel and the spirt fill my heart. I knew I couldn't become stronger without God. I've stopped doing many of the things I had once done, still some I'm working on letting go of. After losing Mandy I became depressed, I have some of the craziest mood swings now. I've pretty much gone through every stage of grief. I have actually gone through the angry stage several times. For a while I was going to church and praying every day, but then I became angry again. The pain and heartache of losing my sister who was my everything tore at me again. I honestly hadn't been praying lately, well actually for a while now. I go to church most Sundays. But the past few months I've been feeling very confused and lost I feel like I have no direction of where my life is headed, and whenever I feel like I'm becoming stronger I start to feel weak again. I kept telling myself I need to start praying again and read my scriptures, but even though I said it didn't mean I was doing it. The last few days I had gone through a whirlwind of emotions. Last night I decided I needed a change in my life and to stop just saying it but actually do it. So I layed in bed with the lights off and decided to read the scriptures. I have a Book of Mormon scripture app on my phone (for those of you who were like you can't read in the dark, well I can with my phone lol). Before I started reading I decided to say a prayer to help open my heart and mind to the message I was about to read. After reading for a while I started to get this weird feeling. I looked up and even though my room was dark I was able to see what once scared me a a kid. All of a sudden my room was filled with a black mist getting bigger and bigger and it was moving around and kept getting closer to me. You know how you can feel when something isn't right well I had that feeling that this was a bad presence. I tried to keep reading and it just got worse. I jumped up turned on the lights and went to my parents room at like 11:30pm. My dad was just getting ready for bed and my mom was already asleep, my dad asked me what was wrong and I said I got scared in my room.  He asked why and I told him I was reading my scriptures and then a black mist took over my room. He hugged me tight and told me it's Satan trying to scare you away from doing good. My mom had woken up and I went and layed with her and told her and just cried in her arms. When you witness that black mist or figure what ever form Satan may appear to you in it is truly a scary feeling. I was ready to sleep in my parents bed because I was so scared to go back to my room. My dad left the room for a minute and then came back and my mom goes did you tell him to leave. He said yes. Since my dad has the priesthood he is able to command Satan to leave. We said a family prayer and then I finally got the courage to go back to my room. When I came back to bed you can feel the energy completely change. Even in my dark room it felt lighter and more peaceful. I truly believe that satan doesn't want you to stray away from him and his worldly temptations. He will do what he can to keep you from following Gods footsteps and do what is right. As scary as it was I'm greatful for the experience I had last night because it showed me that I was doing what is right and even though it may not be easy all the time I need to lean on The Lord to keep me safe and strong and not let other temptations get to me. I want to better my life and find out what I'm capable if and where my life leads. Its time to take charge and do what is best for me, myself and I. Time to better my life one step at a time. So if anyone says it seems like I've changed and may not go out and do what I used to or what you like, it's because I'm finally going to take the reigns of my life and do what is best for me and makes me happy. I know that if I plan on seeing Amanda in the after life I need to change up my life. When my family was sealed into the temple we were bound as a family forever and we will still know eachother in the afterlife. I plan on being reunited with Mandy one day. Now it's my turn to do my part and do what is right to see her again. Time for a new beginning and a better me.