Why is it that I have a million words go through my mind of what I'd like to say but when I finally try to jot them down my mind goes blank and I can't seem to find the right words to write?
Lately you've crossed my mind a lot. Sadly I never let you stay in my there for to long. It isn't because I don't want to think of you, but it's because I don't like the feelings it brings along with it. All of the abandoned thoughts and feelings finally found its way through the door though. Broke down and just cried. It's so hard going through life without you. I try so hard to hide what's going on in my mind. Honestly I've gotten really good at it. I'm able to convince everyone around me that I'm okay, that I'm happy...I even convince myself sometimes. Honestly I feel like I am happy most of the time, but when those thoughts that I push far into the back of my mind come out its like a tornado hits and I'm overwhelmed with tears, pain, and heartache. When I'm around people I'm usually pretty good. I'm distracted. But the moment I'm alone, especially at night, oh how those thoughts just tare me up inside.
It's amazing how strong the mind can be. I feel that I have to be strong for everyone around me, and so I am. I do my very best to be strong for our parents, your friends, and even random people I don't even know that trust in me with what troubles them. I appreciate so much that people can trust in me and come to me for help. There isn't anything more in the world I want than to be able to help others learn to love themselves and find that glimpse of hope in their heart to fight on. Even if I struggle at times to love myself and hold onto to hope.